‘All is well with my soul.’ Over the last year I meditated on these words over and over again, I wanted my mind to believe what a convincing, tiny voice deep on my inside was whispering despite the reality of my circumstances. The soul doesn’t fear death, but the mind does. Robyn gave me a once in a lifetime opportunity to bridge this gap. I can not help but be reminded of how God tested Abraham. My soul longed uninterrupted natural birth. I had the soul urge to put my trust in The Creator of all by trusting my perfectly designed body despite the human-made fear that I would not survive natural childbirth. I thought that if this trust amount to nothing I was okay to die for then life and God and nothing made sense anyway. During Alexander’s birth, I missed the opportunity to face this fear heads on; I missed the opportunity to put my trust in God and my body when he was born into the world by an emergency cesarian against my will. But then life gave me another chance. To this day I do not count out the possibility of Robyn being conceived in some other way than sex. I remember the complete devastation and the disbelief I experienced when I was pregnant again. Harold and I were not even sharing a bed while I nurtured my prem Alexander. In the end, I blamed my bad memory of when and if we had sex on a lack of sleep. I was losing my sanity and my memory and all sense due to feeding Alexander every 2 hours around the clock for the first month and on-demand after that. This made some sort of sense just to accept and get on with what is and not to waste sacred time, energy and sleep on how we got in the situation of being pregnant again. Today I know she was God-send, no matter how she entered my reality. Both Robyn and I knew that I was not going to die during childbirth and that no interference of any sort was needed during her delivery and that everything was playing out exactly the way it should. But the next morning it was hard to explain this to anyone including myself. So she took me on a 365-day journey. She used one of my greatest loves in life, photography to get me on board and then helped me unlock innate wisdom on a daily basis, in small chunks just right for me. She showed me that through writing I could even out the conflict between my conscious (mind) and subconscious mind (soul). I was given daily chances to peep through a hole in the veil between what we call reality and eternity that awaits us, that silenced all logical activity in my brain. My mind is now silent and trusts the immortal part of me that communicates through my body and senses. My gut was proven the most reliable and divine navigator on earth on the 16th of January 2017 when fear have come undone.
